Let’s face it, I quit what a lot of people would consider a high-paying, innovative, and sought after job after being with that company for almost 7 years. It was a very tough decision not only for the very pertinent fact that I have a family to support, but also because I have known this career path for a decade. I fell into this world of Hollywood, Entertainment and Technology while I was still in college (interning at a film production company and doing on-camera interviews at red carpet events while also holding two retail jobs), and that all led me to sitting in conference rooms where I had a voice that was not only heard but respected. I was making business decisions for a Fortune 500 company that would continue to bring more success to the company and the creators of the shows and films I worked on than I could have ever imagined (with the support of my amazing cross-functional partners, of course). I had and have a deep interest for innovating a space like Entertainment where there is so much potential to create, share stories from around the world, and bring joy to others through TV shows and movies. But after this decade of growing up in Corporate America I found myself wanting more.
What I started to realize day after day, year after year was that I was always trying to do something else in my free time. Yes, work should never be your identity - we do not dream of labor over here!! But I was working very long hours, weekends and interconnected with coworkers who became friends — therefore time spent outside of work would lead to work creeping into life via talking about work struggles outside of the office or ending up strategizing on a project during a dinner, etc. Such is the life of a Marketing Executive I suppose. Work was always on my mind and quite honestly I started to care less about what I was spending the majority of my time on. The little time I did have to do things outside of work were when I really dove into activities that peaked my curiosity or things that filled my cup.
In 2018 I had spent a whole year doing one set almost every month at The Comedy Store thanks to Vargus Mason (who always welcomed me with open arms to perform at his shows). I was focused on doing stand up comedy and poured so much of my energy after hours writing, taking classes, and getting on stage. In 2019 I was taking weekly guitar lessons trying to get my little fingers to play a lick more fluidly. And I was also taking singing lessons weekly in hopes that I could merge the two even though mentally singing and guitar-ing at the same time have always been a challenge for me. And in 2021 I started labl me podcast because I wanted to share the stories and voices of the amazing network of women in my life who have had such diverse journeys that the world needed to hear about. Having an innate longing for sharing my joys and digging deeper into things that made me go “huh, but why?!” has always been a big part of what makes up who I am. And I do believe that’s what led me to have such a great journey in Marketing. At the end of the day “but why?!” is what gave me the opportunity to innovate with some of the smartest people I’ve ever met for one of the best companies in the World.
What began to unravel over time though, were tastes of true joy. The buzz of coming off stage after doing your best 10 minute set, the sweet victory of being able to play guitar and sing smoothly without pauses. The purest gratitude from listeners messaging about the latest podcast episode and how much it meant to them. You didn’t need to even pay me to spend hours editing a podcast episode or practicing guitar because I could spend hours on end getting lost in it all. After all of these years of experiencing the lows of feeling lost and the highs of creating for myself, I left my job in April of 2023. And the past 8 months have been some of the most challenging times I’ve ever experienced.
I want to be very clear that with all the office jobs I’ve held: one or more emotional breakdowns have occurred. Some of my lowest lows were from the past 6+ years at my high-profile corporate job. I remember sitting in a conference room of one of our old offices telling two of my coworkers that I felt depressed and suicidal; just balling my eyes out though numb at the same time. I could never pinpoint where my pain stemmed from until I became a mother. Everything became abundantly clear once I brought another human into this World. I mean, the first 2 years of motherhood have been an absolutely rollercoaster, but my why was born in November of 2021. What changed? I had a small human that I was now responsible for and the nuances of working in a corporate setting felt time consuming and irrelevant in comparison to the life I wanted to live. A life full of adventures, creative endeavors, more quality time with people I love, more time outside exploring and less time in conference rooms and in front of my computer late at night. The floodgate of wanting more burst open, and I finally got honest with myself.
Once I came back from maternity leave I thought I’d give corporate life another shot, but my drive and will for the work I was doing had faded. It didn’t help that there were organizational challenges that felt beyond my control too. When I left in the Spring I knew it was now or never. I could repeat the pattern of the skill/will matrix, jumping from position to position in a corporate setting, or I could finally set myself free to explore paths of creativity and operational strategy that actually filled my cup.
Eight months later and I’m challenged, excited, and fulfilled almost every day. It wasn’t without a lot of ups and downs of detoxing from the routines that were so deeply engrained in me from working for different companies the past 10 years. And it doesn’t mean that I’ll never go back. It means that I’m on a new journey, exploring how to grow my own business, work for myself, and prioritize the aforementioned joys that fill up my cup. There’s been a lot of exploring and introspection on this new chapter, and I’m getting comfy with being uncomfortable. It all feels new and that’s probably one of the biggest shifts I’m working through at the moment - how do you go from being an expert in your field to novice in all the things you want to accomplish next?
Originally, when I had started writing this it was with the intention to share my journey. But now I realize that I also want this to be a note to anyone looking to take a leap and make a big pivot in their life. You can do it. It’s an extremely uneasy task at hand that has so many layers and emotions tied to it, but it can be done if you truly want change. Put your blinders on and ask yourself the hard questions:
How will I pay my bills?
If I’m leaving a corporate setting, will I be able to afford health insurance?
If I don’t have a concrete plan for work lined up next, do I have enough money saved up to support myself?
What will my goal be for my first year? And what about year 2 through 5?
What can I do in the next 3 months to get this pivot in motion?
Do I have someone I can confide it to help hold me accountable?
What if I fail? And what does success even mean to me?
“All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience.” - Henry Miller
So many more questions to dig into making a huge life pivot like leaving your job, but don’t forget - you can do it. The grass is always greener where you water it (but also traditional lawns are out, so get susty and try some lawn alternatives!) okay, love you - bye!
I am in total awe.
At this moment there is no way to list each of the things in this piece and your story that I admire so much.
Right now, let me do it posting this. This is so helpful to so many people.